But no images on a Google search? The hell?

Title:Happy Birthday to Me (I'm not very happy.)

Perpetrator: Raksha-Neko-666

Series:Gravitation

Summary:Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me ...this is going a disater I know it  Then why must you inflict it on the rest of us?

Rating:NUCLEAR

Offences:horrible spelling and grammar, FUCKING GARY STU...

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  This garbled English is so bad that this fic is rendered almost incomprehensible.  Check it out:

I sat there felling a little wierd cuz ,being my birthday, I was hopeing to spend it with Yuki. Alone. Not expecting Hiro to have put together a party at a kareoky bar. And I certinly didn't expect him to invite Tohma and Mika and for them to actualy show up.

Teachers the world over hang their heads in shame.

2.  His name is Jazz and apparently he's Shuichi's older brother.  Jazz?  JAZZ?  I'm reminded of a particularly awful drag queen but that could be the RuPaul's Drag Race episode I just saw.  At any rate, he's clearly the relative stu we have all grown to hate and he will shortly cause shenanigans and misunderstandings between Yuki and the gang.  That isn't to say that they're acting remotely like the canon.  The novelist is acting like a psychotically jealous boyfriend while everyone else is as animated as a backdrop.  I'm not exactly impressed.

Notes:You know you gotta work.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4852010/1/Happy_Birthday_to_Me

Sample:

current mood: tired

It just makes me angry.

Title:50 Inuyasha stories in ten words or less
 
Perpetrator:chaini

Series:Inu Yasha

Summary:The title says it all. this story is a copulation of super micro fiction and maybe even a few jokes. translation lots of humor not a lot of intelligence lol but still fun. Enjoy. Rated t for some suggestiveness.  I don't think I really want to see micro fiction copulate.

Rating:NUCLEAR

Offences:WTF?

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  What I'm seeing here is a rather large list of a bunch of badfic plots, many of them having been done at least a million times and rife with cliches.  No ficcer, you actually have to WRITE one of these plots fully before you post it, otherwise you're just giving us a list and nothing more.  I know I've said this before but apparently I'll have to again, A LIST IS NOT A FIC.  No one cares about the shitty plots you're developing, and no one cares about how you need to feed your plot bunnies, either post a proper fic or GTFO.

Notes:Exasperation.  Your name is me.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4857129/1/50_Inuyasha_stories_in_ten_words_or_less

Sample:

current mood: bored

Pass it around.

Title:The Personification of Sleeplessness (Hello, pretentious title, and how are you today?)

Perpetrator: mistress amethyst une

Series:Gundam Wing

Summary:Stay," she commanded as he began to rise. "Heero, I'm not a whore, and I'm not your mistress. I'm your girlfriend, and you will sleep with me. When I say sleep, I mean sleep. Lie down!" T for innuendo and implied sexual themes.  This is just going to be one more trip around the badfic merry-go-round.

Rating:AWFUL

Offences:OOC, this fic is just BLAH...

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  Like many ficcers that came before them, this author decided to explore a fluffy relationship between Relena and Heero, and in the process making the boy into a big lump of awkward OOC.  He acts like a 12 year old boy with a hard on and a lack of confidence.  Making lots of excuses as to why he doesn't want to spend the night over at Relena's, he sneaks around a ton before finally coming out with the fact that he just becomes too excited to sleep when he thinks about spending time with her.  How KUTE!11!, too bad it's not Heero.  He doesn't do the whole awkward boy thing.  He'd just excuse himself without making a production of it or not profer an explanation at all.  The fluffy garbage at the end, concluding with fluffy sex is just the icing on the OOC cake.  As for Relena, she's not much better.  I don't think she's the type to obsess about sex, even when it does come to Heero.

2.  The plot is basically what I've already told you and it's not that impressive.  It's too fluffy to suit at least one of these two characters and would probably make a fairy puke.  Interesting?  No, not in any way.

Notes:At work and bored out of my mind.

Link:To read the while fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4846295/1/The_Personification_of_Sleeplessness

Sample:

current mood: tired

This is how it feels to be dead.

Title:Starving away the pain 2 (The fact that there's another one of these scares me.)

Perpetrator: jewish4eva

Series:South Park

Summary:Just after everyone though Kyle was over his parants death Stan says somthing that upsets him so he stops eating again Stan feels really bad about this but only this time theres no Cartman to get in the way because hes in hospital after losing his memory.  What? He's upset over a pair of ants? *SNICKER* I know that was bad, but seriously when I saw that typo I couldn't help it.

Rating:TOXIC

Offences:horrible grammar, this plot BLOWS...

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  Right from the get go it's obvious that this ficcer has no idea how to use the Pit since we're reading the second chapter posted as a new story.  Already with that strike against them, this piece of crap just keeps on giving.  The punctuation is nearly nonexistent and the wooden dialogue isn't exactly fun to read. 

2.  So Kyle has lost his mother and developed an eating disorder (anorexia nervosa purging type).  Living with Stan now, Kyle is struggling with his illness when Stan rails on him for it in retaliation for something Kyle said about Mrs. Marsh, blah, blah, blah, tears and purging, blah, blah.  I'm having a hard time with this fluffy after school special melodrama.  They tackled this issue and added nothing new or poignant to it, and it seems to me that they think adding some crying means that I'll TOTALLY take this as a serious, poignant piece of work.  Plus there's fresh out of the box self loathing. *sigh* There's basically no description and nothing to impress me.  End of story. 

Notes:Yeah, I didn't have to read the first chapter to pass judgement here for obvious reasons. 

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4849711/1/Starving_away_the_pain_2

Sample:

current mood: drained

As such I am EXCEEDINGLY PISSED that the ficcers have killed it.

Title:V's secert (*BRAIN EXPLODES*)

Perpetrator: racerofthe3

Series:V for Vendetta

Summary:this is the secert life of v with evey and what he learns in a year with being with her.  Does he learn that no fandom is safe?

Rating:NUCLEAR

Offences:horrible grammar and spelling, WTF?

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  The writing is so bad it's barely understandable guys.  But incoherence can sometimes equal HILARITY.  Check it out:

“No.” I said in a clam voice as I started to pull the level of course it was to blow up Big Ben I haven’t been more happier they can’t control us what time to go to sleep what time to wake up what time to even go home to stay inside cause I hate that to send V to his death train but that was what he wanted.

What?  WHAT? There are so many things wrong with that.  For starters, what exactly is a clam voice?  Do clam's have voices? 

2.  So this fic is based on the movie (or at least it is from what I can tell), and boy, does it make me want to punch babies.  Evey is pregnant and angsting over V's death in as cliched of a fashion as humanly possible.  Pregnant?  Seriously?  I know that the movie inserted a lot of unecessary romance, but it didn't go this far.  They share a rather awkward kiss and that's about as far as it goes.  V loves Evey but not in a sexual way, the relationship goes deeper than that.  He is a lot of different people to Evey and she is a mixture of people to him.  I would peg this as more of a protege bond.  But of course, the ficcer feels the need to insert undescribed sex and debase everything they can.  *sigh* I'm sorry V, but though ideas cannot die, they can be horribly mangled.

Notes:Done for tonight.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4753429/1/Vs_secert

Sample:

current mood: apathetic

It may sound simple but it's not.

Title:Suggestions for a new author (Just when you thought it was over.)

Perpetrator:mattskitten

Series:Inu Yasha (In a manner of speaking.)

Summary:Just a note asking for suggestions or requests. More details inside .  Unless you have a story in there you need to GTFO.

Rating:NUCLEAR

Offences:How many times do I have to stumble across these idiots?

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  The Pit's story section is where you post fics.  It's not a particularly difficult concept, nor should anyone struggle to understand it.  However this author has decided that they don't need to learn the TOS to inflict their stupidity on the fic reading public.  OMG WHAT SHOULD I WRIT ABOUT!!11!??  You know what you should write about?  How to lurk and do some fucking RESEARCH before you just throw yourself in there.  I don't care how new you are or how eager, it doesn't take much effort to learn how to use a website and its ins and outs.  Additionally, I would hope you have a plan for a story or at least enough of one that you don't ask which fucking fandom you should write in.  But if you do find yourself in such a situation and need to discuss then confine yourself to the FORUMS and quit spamming the story section. </rage>

Notes:This night just goes on and on.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4834296/1/Suggestions_for_a_new_author

Sample:

current mood: blah

Because you can't come back.

Title:Shuchi's Dark Secret (One of many the ficcers have bestowed upon him.)

Perpetrator:Elven Princess Midnight

Series:Gravitation

Summary:Shuchi and Yuki have been dating for two years and Yuki still hasn't told Shuchi he loves him. Shuchi throws a tizzy fit and comes back home later on to tell Yuki something about his past. It's not really supernatural because Shuichi isn't really a vamp.  Because vampires will make this all better. *GAG*

Rating:UBER TOXIC

Offences:FUCKING MARY SUE, this plot blows...

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  Her name is Tama and she's apparently 'Goth' but other than that we don't know much about her.  Apparently she knows Shuichi's darkest secret, which I'm guessing has something to do with vampires or other cliched crap.   She's just here to add to the scenery for all the personality she's given.  As for the rest of the plot, likewise it isn't impressive.  Yuki is a bastard and fails to tell his lover that he loves him, Shuichi gets upset, blah, blah, there's a totally bad twist that is so cliche it isn't a twist, blah, blah, BLAH.  OMG HE HAS A SEKRET!!!11! is not a great plot unless you plan to do something original with it.  I see no evidence of any such plan.

Notes:I find myself repeatedly unimpressed.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4831098/1/Shuchis_Dark_Secret

Sample:Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) the chapters are way too short for a sample.  Seriously I would end up giving you guys a sentence and that's just useless, so click the link if you want to read the horror firsthand.


 

current mood: cynical

I think right now I'd be willing to hear the Anti-Life equation.

Title:Read if you want to be in an OC fic (OH NO.  A MARY SUE FACTORY!)

Perpetrator: Lil' Lolita

Series:South Park

Summary:...The title says it all. Don't read if you just want to report it for being a notice, cos no one cares, and if that's all you 're on FF for, then you're just sadder then me.  I don't think it's possible to be more pathetic than a suethor posing as a writer.

Rating:NUCLEAR

Offences:This is NOT a fic.

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  Somebody failed to read the TOS and this is what we get.  Apparently this ficcer was reported before for a similiar shenanigan and decided to stick it to the person that reported her by giving us this bullshit.  She offers to put our OCs into a South Park fic.  Right...Sounds a ton like quizilla to me.  Look ficcer, sues are not fun and all you're doing here is advertising for more of them, nearly the equivalent of fishing for story ideas.  You want to pull this crap do so on the forums, because this is definitely not a fucking story.

Notes:So many to do and so little time.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4824632/1/Read_if_you_want_to_be_in_an_OC_fic

Sample:I'm not going to include a sample since this isn't a fic so much as an instructional guide to how to write a badfic.  See the trainwreck for yourselves by clicking the link.

 

current mood: groggy

No disappointed parents allowed.

Title:Inuyasha Uses Pick Up Lines! (*GAG*)

Perpetrator: Chinese Miko

Series:Inu Yasha

Summary:The title says it all. Please read and tell me what you think. If you have suggestions on how I can fix it, please tell me!  I will tell you but I doubt you'll like it.

current mood: disappointed

The cat really likes groceries.

Title:1wisdom (Sounds more like an msn name than a fic title.)

Perpetrator: henticotaku

Series:300 by Frank Miller (Or at least it's SUPPOSED to be.)

Summary:scandal Right...

Rating:NUCLEAR

Offences:WTF?

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  It may be in the 300 section and it may say it's a 300 fic but you open it up and it's all nonsense and stuff about high school kids.  WTF?  Can you not READ THE CATEGORY TITLE?  You can't just post whatever you want wherever you want.  There is a system to the Pit, and the expectation is that you respect it and not bombard innnocent bystanders with this crap.  Either follow the rules or GTFO.

Notes:Unfortunately tomorrow means lots of participants.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4706724/1/1wisdom

Sample:( What? )

current mood: anxious

You're about to blow your audtion for a pretty stupid reason.

Title:UPDATED Ichabod Crane (Not that the non-updated one was much better.)

Perpetrator: JDLuvaSQEE (*BARF*)

Series:Sleepy Hollow

Summary:A poem describing... CONSTABLE ICHABOD CRANE! SQEE!  Someone please shoot me in the face.

Rating:TOXIC

Offences:This is basically just fangirl squeeing that happens to be in the form of bad poetry.  It's not really a fic and I'm not really impressed.

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  So normally I don't touch poetry with a 39 and a half foot pole but for this particular fic I think I need to make an exception.  As you may have guessed this poem is all about Ichabod Crane (the Johnny Depp version of course) and how hot he is.  Blah, blah, OMG HOT!!!1, blah.  *sigh* This adds nothing to the world of fanfic other than yet another ode to an actor that has the affection of many prepubescent girls.  As much as I like Depp, I don't like the scourge he has unleashed upon fic readers everywhere.  Seriously, someone gushing about how beautiful some character is in such a shallow, cliched, and unsubstantial fashion doesn't really make a decent fic.  It just makes for boredom, lots and LOTS of boredom.

Notes:Auditions are the only things worth watching.  By the way, I probably would have let this one slide, BUT they posted both an old and updated version of this fic on the Pit in clost proximity.  I could not let such spam go unpunished.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4819763/1/UPDATED_Ichabod_Crane

Sample:Once again this fic is too short, so you're on your own.

current mood: apathetic

it was during christmas vacation last year when hiroshi asked me to stay at his house he lived in a big gloomy house set way back from the road and he didn't want there alone his parents had gone to visit some friends and wouldn't be back untill the next day he said we could have a really good time without his parents around.

That was one HELL of a run on.  Being barely comprehensible at times and utterly monotonous doesn't make this fic a joy to read. 

2.  So Shuichi and Hiro are having fun at the latter's empty house when OMG THERE'S A NOISE!!1!!  In the oldest plot known to man, the boys ignore the sound until it's too late and then the guitarist loses his head.  *HEADDESK* That wasn't terrifying, unless you mean terrifyingly awful.  The bad grammar and this sub par, straight from an urban legend/cheesy horror movie plotting just kill it dead. 

Notes:This is just a badly done horror.  A VERY badly done horror flick.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4806081/1/THE_FURRY_COLLAR

Sample:

current mood: exhausted

You should be able to actually PREVENT something.

Title:the day the clown came to town (Poor Joker, ever since TDK he's been taking it in the teeth in terms of badfic.)

Perpetrator: Ruffis Pennyhill

Series:Batman

Summary:Only brief time after the jokers anarchy was brought to Gotham - the Dark Knight faces the torment of the laughing lunatic that had cast a shadow over the hope and good of Gotham, how could he be BACK? and who was Harleen Quinnly? hostage or helper?  WTF? Harley's correct name would be a start for you ficcer.  Seriously, research is your friend if treading on unfamiliar ground.

Rating:TOXIC

Offences:lots of spelling and grammar mistakes, this plot BLOWS...

Blasphemy Breakdown:

1.  Someone really needs to tell this ficcer how to use commas because it kind of looks like they just threw them randomly into the fic.  Also, their typos make me laugh:

Watch them punish at your expense, he seemed to speak drawly, not hiding a smile; never hiding a smile.

Yeah, that was supposed to be dramatic but nope, I'm still laughing.  All in all I found this fic really difficult to understand at times because of all the confusing, jumbled phrasing, smattering of cliched phrases, and just prose that really didn't seem to fit.  I feel almost like I'm reading 20 fics rolled into one, and it makes the thing seem directionless.

2.  So Batman is angsting about his life after the Joker is taken to Arkham (or at least that's what I'll assume since this is set just after the events of The Dark Knight), and doing so in a cliched, wangsty fashion.  Gordon interrupts this wangst to reveal that the Joker has escaped and now has Harley Quinn in tow (well, okay she's still Quinzel at the moment but we all know where this is going).  *SIGH* This isn't the most original idea, with every tween out there seeking to create a TDK version of the sidekick in fic or otherwise.  That is just one of many things wrong with this picture, the biggest thing being Batman in general.  He may blame himself for a lot of things but usually not so illogically and with such an irrational thought chain.  I read this and I'm going 'What?  What are you saying?' and read the stuff three times and STILL have no clue what he's talking about.  The verdict: FAIL.

Notes:Glob.  Yes I feel like writing 'glob' in the notes today.

Link:To read the whole fic go here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4792913/1/the_day_the_clown_came_to_town

Sample:

 

current mood: cold